Dogs 'n' Dough

Bow Lane, Manchester

January was traditionally a time for staying in, counting those precious post-Christmas pennies that seem few and far between, whilst giving your waistline a chance to recover from a festive season of over-indulgence.

Those days are long gone. The once dreary month of January has become a foodie’s dream, with a heap of city centre restaurants offering discounts to tempt to you in. Dogs ‘n’ Dough did exactly that, with 50% off their a la carte menu.

It’s a 1980s American diner which does exactly what it says on the tin, or rather the neon sign. It serves up the best in stodgy New York fayre: thick, doughy pizzas and generous hot dogs piled high with toppings.

Considering it’s located on Bow Lane, a stone’s throw away from Albert Square, it’s unsurprising that I haven’t stumbled upon it before now. It’s buried away beneath ground level, down a flight of stairs, earmarked only by a menu on the front of the building. It makes for a rather drab interior, with carpets and green leather chairs that really capture the age of New York which the diner is trying to replicate. The bar stools and pool tables throw me straight back to my trips to Florida more than a decade ago, when greasy burgers in even greasier establishments were the fuel you relied upon to get through a busy day trekking around the theme parks in the blistering heat.

It’s very casual: half bar, half restaurant. Beverages from across the pond include every flavour of Fanta you could possibly imagine, including the classic lemon, which evokes memories of holidays in sunnier climes but somehow never quite tastes the same when you manage to get your hands on it in the UK.

I had a cheeky sip of my friend’s cream soda. I’d never had one before and had no idea exactly what it was. It was nothing like the face-curling glass of disgusting soda that I was expecting. It was creamy, with a hint of vanilla ice cream, rather confusing for the palate.

The food side of things couldn’t be simpler: it’s a hot dog or a pizza. Whilst it may be the kind of stodge you’ve been craving during this particularly cold snap, if you’re on a New Year health kick after a festive season of overindulgence, then this is not the place for you.

The pizzas are all 12 inch deep-pan, so you could get away with sharing one, but, let’s be honest, who wants to do that? There’s the standard margherita and pepperoni, along with a whole host of inventive creations with innovative titles. There’s the Passage To India, which is an Indian takeaway on a pizza: chicken tikka, onions, raita, mini poppadoms and mango chutney. The Spring Chicken is cajun chicken, crispy bacon and BBQ sauce and The Pig Lebowski is pulled pork, crispy bacon, smoked ham and yellow mustard.

There’s a delicious sounding veggie option entitled The Tuscan: slow roasted Mediterranean vegetables, goats cheese and roquito pearls.

For me, the pulling power of one particular pizza proved too strong to resist. I’m talking about the Mac and Cheese Pizza. How’s that for carb overload? Heaps of creamy macaroni cheese piled up on top of a 12-inch deep pan base. I’m aware that it’s probably a heart attack waiting to happen, but it was an experience I simply couldn’t turn down.

If you’re anything like me, the mere thought of it will have you foaming at the mouth, but if I’m being honest, it was a little disappointing. Sure, it did exactly what it was supposed to. There were heaps of mac and cheese loaded on the top of a thick, doughy base, but it was a case of too much stodge and too little flavour.

£10 is a perfectly reasonable price given the size of the beast – you could easily share one between two people. There’s a choice of toppings you can add: bacon, pepperoni, crispy onions, or pulled pork, for an extra £1.50 to £2. I chose to add pulled pork, thinking it would be a match made in heaven, but the meat was tasteless, a little dry and unnecessary, adding nothing at all to the pizza.

I also ordered a barbecue dip, which was another £1 extra, as I figured that mac and cheese, pulled pork and barbecue sauce would be a match made in heaven. There’s a selection of condiments available, including garlic mayo, which will inevitably draw comparisons to the dip synonymous with a Domino’s feast. Just be careful, because all these extras soon add up, and, without the January discount, my pizza would have been £13 in total, which is a little steep, especially given that it’s served in a takeaway box. It might be quirky but I don’t dine out to be served food on cardboard, thank you very much. Still, it comes in handy if you find yourself defeated by the dough, which, I’m ashamed to admit, I wasn’t.

Mac and Cheese Pizza topped with Pulled Pork

My over-indulgence in this carb-heavy monster meant the dessert menu didn’t get a look in, which is most unusual for me. If I decide to return for round two, I think I’d skip the main course and head straight for dessert, as I believe they serve a sweet pizza, topped with Nutella and marshmallows.

Over a week later and I’m still struggling to deal with the guilt that came with every mouthful.

Having already paid a £5 deposit and with the 50% January discount, my meal cost me a jaw-dropping £4. Yes, you read that correctly, four round shiny British pound coins.

The food wasn’t anything to shout home about and the venue was rather dingy, so I’m not sure I’d return at full price.

Whilst I couldn’t possibly handle the guilt of demolishing another pizza loaded with mac and cheese anytime soon, it was certainly an experience I’m glad I’ve ticked off my to-dine list.

Deliciously dirty food at dirt cheap prices; the perfect antidote to a wet, wintry Friday night.

Website: http://www.dogsndough.com/